to dream a dream

so this is really random. i'm kinda lost right now in life. i'm going though a lot of changes- hopefully growing- and here is a thougth that came to mind after being nurtured by none other than brian and his wealth of wisdom:

my dream job has a list of requirements that i want, but, looking at it logically, they are more like guide lines. however, this is my dream- so they are requirements ;)

i would like to work with people who are physically disabled, mentally impared, or have 'disabilities'. this is because my sister (who passed away in 1998) had cerebral pausey (among other things). she and her friends (who were all special needs children) touched my heart in a way that no one else could have, and i want to give that kind of love, friendship, compassion... i don't even know the words for the emotions i am trying to describe. i want to help who ever needs help. reguardless of who they are or what they need help with.

i would like to work as a paramedic or emt. this is another way i can help people. it is often a thankless job with little respect in the real world, but just knowing that i can give a mother her daughters life back is enough for me. i don't need to be thanked. earlier tonight i was on a call for a cardiac arrest. the man was DOA (dead on arrival), but the paramedics hooked him up to the ekg, oxygen, and started an IV. all the while the emts were trying cpr. we couldn't recessitate him. it's never easy, but i know that we did all that we could. this job has it's ups and downs. unfortunatly more downs than ups. it's the small things that make this worth while.

i am a fire fighter (volunteer). i would like to work for a paid department. this is another thankless job. here we're seen as a lot of over grown toddlers with brts (big red trucks- very technical term!!). the other call i ran tonight was a chimny fire. it remained contained within the chimny, but the lady was thanking us over and over. it was such a menial task for us, but is saved her house and eveything she had spent her life working for. hearing her gratitude really helped to pull me though the DOA earlier this evening- kept me thinking that i am helping people.

i'd like to also have a career working with languages. honestly- english is my worst subject, but give me a foreign language and i'm awsome! i speak japanese and spanish. i am teaching myself international standard sign language. i hope to soon pick up mandrin chinese. to me, languages are unnecessary barriers between friendships. the more languages i can learn the more friends i can have and the more people i can help.

i love working with people. people make me happy...in a wierd way. i could be considered the overly happy lady working in customer services(another thankless job! btw: why do crabby people or non-people persons usually apply for this position?!?!). lost my train of thought, anyway:  i love working with people- self explanatory!

i like making people feel special. i guess this just has to do with a long line of my insecurities, but making other feel special makes me feel special. i have the nickname: sunshine. this is becaus i am always smiling. so, i guess my dream job would have to be somewhere in a lax position. there is a time and a place for seriousness, but i'm really easy going. i like to destress people and just let them be themselves.

i'd like to be a fashion designer. not everyone can buy clothes off a rack and have a perfect fit. some people are very self concious and want to hide some parts of their body and show another. so i'd like to design clothes to help people feel more confident about themselves. when they look into a mirror i want them to see the 'good' features of thier bodies. but i am a firm believer that everyone is beautful. i don't care what size you are, how many pounds you weigh, or what feature of your body is so horrible that you can't stand to look at it. exterior beauty is not nearly important as interior beauty. sometimes you just gotta look good on the outside to help perk up the inside. for me- it's my favorite pair of shorts! no matter what i wear with thoes shorts i feel good! and i'd like to give that kind of self confidence to others.

i also would like to be a counceler. i only wish i could get paid for all that i do now!! i'd be rich, but i couldn't do that to my friends. i'd feel too bad taking thier money! i've been able to help a lot of my friends with thier problems. i usually look at all possible points of view, all actions, and all consequences. i try to help my friends see things from more than thier perspective (usually from a parents). i'd like to continue helping people with thier problems even if its just lending an ear or shoulder (or a sleeve to wipe thier tears on). sometimes that's the best way to help someone- just being there.

i'd like to be a lawyer. i've seen a lot of things in our society that's just not right. i'd like to help keep the rights right and the wrongs wrong. i'd also like to help families like my own who have (my case had) family members that need special care and are not able to find it. there are so many opportunities to get help, it's just that most people don't know where or how to find it. i want to help them find the assistance they need and fight for thier rights.

i'd also like to be a doctor. what better way to help people than to heal them? i'd like to specialize in special needs (suprise) and peds. kids are our future. it's amazing to think that something you do can inspire a kid to follow in your foot steps. i feel that there are few joys greater than a childs laughter. it's so innocent and pure. i'd love to be able to help kids, besides, they grow into adults. i help adults already and plan to continue.

now that you've read all that i can sum everything up into one sentence. -->
i want to help people.

that's really complicated (sarcasam)!

i still don't know how i plan to help everyone, but i will. right now i am in college studying languages. i am a volunteer fire fighter. i am going to take emt classes this summer. i've thought about going for an associate degree in communication disorders or special education- maybe both. i'd like to volunteer for the special olympics (i used to when my sister was alive, but after her death i just couldn't go back. that was nearly 10 years ago though.). i'd like to be a fashion designer to help people see thier inner beauty reflect on the outside. i'd like to be a counceler. i've wanted to be a lawyer and doctor since i was old enough to comprehend the nature of their careers.

i could do so much with my life, but where do i start and how do i start?